KEVIN BERTRAM

brush your teeth kids

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Bertram) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 02:30:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Bertram) — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 04:27:00 +0000

Olave

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Bertram) — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 23:07:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Bertram) — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 03:24:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Bertram) — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 21:23:00 +0000

I fell out of the tree. I was walking across the ice, and I wasn’t. These things always happen in pairs. I thought about fruit and fruition. I was in pears. Of course, two of them. Two pairs of pears. The first pear of the first pair housed my head, but not my hair! The second pear of the first pair housed my rabbits, but not my teeth! The first pear of the second pair housed my sweaters, but not my toothpaste! And so it was inevitable that the second pear of the second pair house nothing at all, but not me! I danced in that pear until the bruises rose. And of course! My roses bruised, also. And again, my cheeks, they slipped onto the stove. Please! I see! I’m supposed to do these things!

I ate all of the backyard grass. I was finishing my first steps, and I wasn’t. My feet were in clogs. My feet were in clods. My feet were in clouds. I ate all of the backyard glass. I was swallowing my first sentence, and I wasn’t. Here is where I said it. Listening to the other side of my inner side left me sideless. The ins remained, but the sides were now miles up, tied and knotted at the ends of balloons. And then the typical happened. The sides continued to rise; I knew they were rising because the balloons were getting smaller and smaller, but the sides, my sides, appeared to remain the same size. Appeared that way, because they were growing and receding simultaneously.

And so, I was bending my knees. The balloons kept rising. I was jumping rope. The sides maintained. I was giving and receiving nicknames. The balloons rose still. I was kissing girls, when the sides began to swell. The sides, my sides, usually black, usually nothing, burst forth, downward in actuality, glanced the side of my face, melted the inseam of my pants, and re-entered the atmosphere. And my sides! They were not the stove, nor the pears, they were my insides! And my cheeks! They offered so many favors! So many car rides straight to here! Please! I see! I’m supposed to be an apple!

after his favorite flavor popsicle

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Bertram) — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 18:31:00 +0000

pretty geeked on turtlenecks

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Bertram) — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 17:48:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Bertram) — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 17:06:00 +0000

cloud mountain

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Bertram) — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 17:49:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Bertram) — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 22:13:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Bertram) — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 23:46:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Bertram) — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 23:35:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Bertram) — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 23:33:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Bertram) — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 23:32:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Bertram) — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 23:25:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Bertram) — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 23:01:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Bertram) — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 18:37:00 +0000

DIAGRAM DIAGRAMS

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Bertram) — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 20:41:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Bertram) — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 23:28:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Bertram) — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 18:36:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Bertram) — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 01:46:00 +0000

Before I came into the middle, I was born. This wasn’t anything. I opened my eyes soon after; this wasn’t anything either. Yet! It was something after the first dream. It was also something after the discovery of close proximal x-ray vision through the meats of fingers (covering just one eye!) while staring at the television’s face, or my sister’s. Later on, I spoke; honestly, this was wholly nothing. Yet! It was everything during the misspelling of measles, and the contraction of the esophagus. Not too soon thereafter, I became aware of my parts. The heart, the lungs, the stomach, the guts, the lack of guts, the lot of skin, the finger and toe nails, the finger and toe tips, the thumb, the thumb! the spine, the spines, the pines, the saplings that sprouted, the upper lip, the ankle meats, the sluggish eye, the weightless place, the ladder, the xylophone, the other face, the faucet, the false it, the long hand, the short hand, the fused joint, the ever-pointed index finger, the never-pointed clamshell bean, the hanging courage, the air-filled spaces, the wet water basis, the neither cases, the cringe at laces, the top, the side, the side of the opposite side, the side itself, the glue between, the just fine, the nice enough, the not bad, the okay, the center, the dent, the rusted spot, the girl, the lovelier girl, the only ever, the orbiting bucket, the surface glasses, the weights they supported, the wrong shape, the right shape, the shape I’d hoped I was, the shape I knew I’d been, the shape it left after the scissors, the apple I’ve been swallowing since 1999, the swallows, the waxwings, the warblers, the finches, the sparrows, the robins, the blue-jays, the cardinals, the pigeons, the nuthatches, the chickadees, the bluebirds, the blue birds!

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Bertram) — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 01:53:00 +0000

CONFECTION 1

¹First We made heaven & bundt cake ² The bundt cake was without form and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep; and the Spirit of We was moving over the face of the fondants. ³ And We said, "Let there be light"; and there was light. ⁴ And We saw that the light was nice enough; and We separated the light from the darkness. ⁵ We called the light Day, and the darkness we called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, one day. ⁶ And We said, "Let there be a firmament in the midst of the fondants, and let it separate the fondants from the fondants." ⁷ And We made the firmament and separated the fondants which were under the firmament from the fondants which were above the firmament. And it was nice enough. ⁸ And We called the firmament Heaven. And there was evening and there was morning, a second day. ⁹ And We said, "Let the fondants under the heavens be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear." And it was nice enough. ¹⁰ We called the dry land Bundt cake, and the fondants that were gathered together we called Frostings. And We saw that it was nice enough. ¹¹ And We said, "Let the bundt cake put forth vegetation, plants yielding seed, and fruit trees bearing fruit in which is their seed, each according to its kind, upon the bundt cake." And it was nice enough. ¹² The bundt cake brought forth vegetation, plants yielding seed according to their own kinds, and trees bearing fruit in which is their seed, each according to its kind. And We saw that it was nice enough. ¹³ And there was evening and there was morning, a third day. ¹⁴ And We said, "Let there be lights in the firmament of the heavens to separate the day from the night; and let them be for signs and for seasons and for days and years, ¹⁵ and let them be lights in the firmament of the heavens to give light upon the bundt cake." And it was nice enough. ¹⁶ And We made the two great lights, the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night; we made the stars also. ¹⁷ And We set them in the firmament of the heavens to give light upon the bundt cake, ¹⁸ to rule over the day and over the night, and to separate the light from the darkness. And We saw that it was nice enough. ¹⁹ And there was evening and there was morning, a fourth day. ²⁰ And We said, "Let the fondants bring forth swarms of living creatures, and let birds fly above the bundt cake across the firmament of the heavens." ²¹ So We created the great frosting monsters and every living creature that moves, with which the fondants swarm, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And We saw that it was nice enough. ²² And We blessed them, saying, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the fondants in the frostings, and let birds multiply on the bundt cake." ²³ And there was evening and there was morning, a fifth day. ²⁴ And We said, "Let the bundt cake bring forth living creatures according to their kinds: cattle and creeping things and beasts of the bundt cake according to their kinds." And it was nice enough. ²⁵ And We made the beasts of the bundt cake according to their kinds and the cattle according to their kinds, and everything that creeps upon the ground according to its kind. And We saw that it was nice enough. ²⁶ Then We said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the frosting, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the bundt cake, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the bundt cake." ²⁷ So We created man in our own image, in the image of We we created him; male and female we created them. ²⁸ And We blessed them, and We said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the bundt cake and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the frosting and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the bundt cake." ²⁹ And We said, "Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed which is upon the face of all the bundt cake, and every tree with seed in its fruit; you shall have them for food. ³⁰ And to every beast of the bundt cake, and to every bird of the air, and to everything that creeps on the bundt cake, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food." And it was nice enough. ³¹ And We saw everything that we had made, and behold, it was very nice. And there was evening and there was morning, a sixth day.

†

CONFECTION 2

¹ Thus the heavens and the bundt cake were finished, and all the host of them. ² And on the seventh day We finished our work which we had done, and we rested on the seventh day because we were tired as shit, God damnit.

(the first recipe in a cookbook my good friend J.C. is helping me with. Do you know J.C.?)

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Bertram) — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 23:43:00 +0000

JUST ENJOYIN" THE COASTER!!1!!

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Bertram) — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 23:38:00 +0000

CLOUDBEARDS!!1!

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin Bertram) — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 15:57:00 +0000

And once more I happened to think about it while I was purposely making plans with other thoughts. So I went back to the middle. It wasn’t anything.

It wasn’t anything. It wasn’t a tumble from the swingset. It was the woodchips all over your pockets. It wasn’t incessantly picking away at each and every scab. It was a more substantial scar. It wasn’t dazedly looking up at the flock of passing waxwings. It was the single scoop of ice cream plopped and melting on the sidewalk. It wasn’t all the candy you didn’t eat on the night of Halloween. It was the bubblegum in your hair when you woke. It wasn’t hurriedly knotting your tennis shoes. It was the subsequent misstep, and the terror of mom’s assurance as to the usefullness of hydrogen-peroxide. It wasn’t your wince and moan. It wasn’t her blowing over it. It wasn’t the tears you were unzipping. It wasn’t her quarter empty sleeve. It wasn’t the crusts of your nostrils’ rims. It wasn’t cracking pistachios with your eyelids. It was knowing that you’re never getting back into the womb. It wasn’t these things. It wasn’t anything.